Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Saint Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, and I'm scrambling to find the perfect Valentines to hand out to my friends and unrequited loves.

Unfortunately, nothing is really piquing my interest.  Sure, I could get a set of superhero-themed cards marketed to children, but I've done that in the past, and nobody--not I and not the recipients--was really pleased with the results.

I think that maybe I'll make my own this year--write my own messages, maybe? Y'know, really turn it up to 11?

Ideas so far include:
  • "Roses are red,
    Violets are blue
    You know who I'd do?
    I'd do you."
  • "Roses are red,
    'Quack,' says the duck.
    Let's go make out
    behind that old truck."
  • "Roses are red,
    while some may be yellow
    Wouldn't you like to have coitus
    with this unattractive fellow?"
  • "Roses are red,
    My heart's on the hunt.
    Ever since we kissed
    I've needed a cardiac shunt."

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