Showing posts with label Catfish Baruni. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catfish Baruni. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Live, in concert



Here's my ticket from the first time I saw Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers in concert.  It was just after the start of senior year of high school.  I walked home from school that day in the rain wearing a pair of knock-off Converse Chuck Taylors which ended up giving me quarter-sized blisters on my heels. Brian picked me up in his car, one that had (I think) a Wienerschnitzel antenna topper on it. Women were CRAZY about us back then.

We drove to Phoenix through a haboob, which is a terrifying thing to do, but who the hell is going to let a giant cloud of sand and wind stop them from seeing Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers?  We got to Phoenix early and ate at Alice Cooper's restaurant across the venue while we waited for the arena’s doors to open. We watched the haboob that we had driven through an hour before as it now blew through downtown Phoenix. 

Inside the venue, we headed towards the section of the arena where our seats were located, but something didn't look right. We approached cautiously. The event employee standing guard at the entrance to the section informed us that when tickets went on sale, they were under the impression that the stage would be at the center of the floor, allowing for 360° views of the band. They then learned that was not the case, and that the stage would be at one end of the arena, which meant our view would be non-existent. Now, we were welcome to keep our original seats, orrrrrrrr... we could take the floor seats they were offering us in exchange.

I think if it was anybody but Tom Petty, Brian and I would've kept the original seats because THAT'S the funnier thing to do.

Humor was not our priority that evening, though.

So we sat in our floor seats and watched the band just destroy the place.  I stood on my feet too long, even after most of the floor had taken their seats to watch the show.  BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SIT WHEN YOU’RE ON THE FLOOR. (17-year-olds are stupid).  Hit after hit, magnificent pop song after magnificent pop song.  It was non-stop.  I think it even included a cover of Bo Diddley’s “Mona,” or I’ve conflated that with the live concert DVD that was later released which documented one of the show’s (not ours) on that tour.  The show was something, to say the least.  And he always was something each time I saw him live after that.  Because Tom Petty is as dependable as it fucking gets.

A couple years ago, I remember telling someone I was quite fond of that I thought Tom Petty was our one hope for world peace because there's a Tom Petty song out there for everyone.  His catalog is so amazing that there is SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE. He could bring us all together, I told her.  He could do that.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Face of Fringe (unofficial)

Living on the Fringe, Zocalo Magazine
Look, I can't explain it, either.  This face–my face– shouldn't be the face of anything, unless that thing is The Face that Shouldn't be the Face of Anything.  But there it is.

I'm starting to think publications just like photos in landscape orientation.  It's the only explanation that makes sense.

Click HERE to read the article from Zocalo magazine.

And click HERE for more information on my show for the 2014 Tucson Fringe Festival, Slideshow Fairytales: The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract.

The first performance will take place in just about one week, on September 12th, at 7:15 PM at Fluxx Studio & Gallery.

The second performance will take place on September 14th, at 2:30 PM at Club Congress.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Keep Calm and Beef

Keep Calm and Beef


The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract

by Mark Twain
Adapted and read by Catfish Baruni
In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what share, howsoever small, I have had in this matter, this matter which has so exercised the public mind, engendered so much ill-feeling, and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments—on or about the 10th of October, 1861, John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef.
The bill has yet to be paid.
Join Catfish Baruni as he uses nothing but his wit (and select obscenities) and a bootlegged copy of PowerPoint to share with the world his version of Mark Twain’s classic comedic short story, The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract.
——
Friday, September 12th, 7:15 PM
Fluxx (414 E 9th St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Sunday, September 14th, 2:30 PM

Club Congress (311 E Congress St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Saturday, August 9, 2014

To Beef or Not to Beef...


The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract

by Mark Twain
Adapted and read by Catfish Baruni
In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what share, howsoever small, I have had in this matter, this matter which has so exercised the public mind, engendered so much ill-feeling, and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments—on or about the 10th of October, 1861, John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef.
The bill has yet to be paid.
Join Catfish Baruni as he uses nothing but his wit (and select obscenities) and a bootlegged copy of PowerPoint to share with the world his version of Mark Twain’s classic comedic short story, The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract.
——
Friday, September 12th, 7:15 PM
Fluxx (414 E 9th St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Sunday, September 14th, 2:30 PM

Club Congress (311 E Congress St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Keep Calm and Attend


The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract

by Mark Twain
Adapted and read by Catfish Baruni
In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what share, howsoever small, I have had in this matter, this matter which has so exercised the public mind, engendered so much ill-feeling, and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments—on or about the 10th of October, 1861, John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef.
The bill has yet to be paid.
Join Catfish Baruni as he uses nothing but his wit (and select obscenities) and a bootlegged copy of PowerPoint to share with the world his version of Mark Twain’s classic comedic short story, The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract.
——
Friday, September 12th, 7:15 PM
Fluxx (414 E 9th St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Sunday, September 14th, 2:30 PM

Club Congress (311 E Congress St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract



The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract

by Mark Twain
Adapted and read by Catfish Baruni
In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what share, howsoever small, I have had in this matter, this matter which has so exercised the public mind, engendered so much ill-feeling, and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments—on or about the 10th of October, 1861, John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef.
The bill has yet to be paid.
Join Catfish Baruni as he uses nothing but his wit (and select obscenities) and a bootlegged copy of PowerPoint to share with the world his version of Mark Twain’s classic comedic short story, The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract.
——
Friday, September 12th, 7:15 PM
Fluxx (414 E 9th St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Sunday, September 14th, 2:30 PM

Club Congress (311 E Congress St)
Tickets $7.00 Here

Sunday, May 4, 2014

May the Fourth

A teleview home entertaintrix unit.
It may be a cliché at this point, but there are three movies I always watch on May the 4th:

  1. Short Circuit
  2. *batteries not included
  3. Short Circuit 2
Why do we shy away from things we love just because they're perceived, or even worse, potentially perceived, as being clichés?  Are we so worried about authenticity and legitimate street credentials that we go out of our way to avoid the things that bring us joy in this shit life?

I'm telling you right now, I will no longer play any part in this.  Please, brother and sisters (and that weird second cousin), join me in saying: No Cliché Shaming!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Tucson Interviewed: A Tucson Riot (Bonus Interview)

On Saturday, March 29th, 2014, The University of Arizona athletics squadron geared up and headed out onto the playing area, hoping to win their bout against their competition(s).  Ultimately, they were not able to achieve this achievement.  Because of this injustice, Tucson Interviewed this is a Tucson Riot interviewed...
------
Catfish:  Well?

Tucson Riot:  [sits in silence, avoiding eye contact] …

C:  You don’t have anything you want to say for yourself?

TR:  [silence continues] …

C:  Really?  Nothing?

TR:  …

C:  No kind of explanation or justification or anything?


TR:  …

C:  That’s funny, because you had lots of things to say last night.  Want me to remind you of some of them?

TR:  …

C:  “U of A!  U of A!”

I assume that was just for clarification, so that nobody thought it was a delayed reaction to the state senate passing SB1062.

TR:  …

C:  “Go Cats!”

Again, just further clarification, I assume.  You wouldn't want anybody to think you were causing a ruckus for an unworthy reason.

TR:  …

C:  “Fuck Wisconsin!”

See, now, to me, this is where you start going off message.  Is this about the sport squadron, or are you a group of vegans upset with cheese?  Or are you a group of television enthusiasts who really don’t like Happy Days or Laverne & Shirley?  Do you see what I’m getting at?

Or were you actually stupid enough to think that the sports opponents wouldn't try to win?  Were you mad at them for trying?

TR: …

C:  Continuing with your profound statements from last night: “They can’t take us all!”

This one, I… I don’t even know.  Were you showing your solidarity, banding together against the scourge of sports losses?  While you threw shit at the cops!  I can't even--I don't even know what to say.

TR:  …

C:  Apparently neither do you.

TR:  …

C:  Do you think last night was the most flip-floppiest, khaki-cargo-shortsy riot ever?

TR:  Bro!

C:  I’m not your bro.  Don’t--don’t call me that.  You understand that people already think Arizona is some kind of vacuum of rational thought and decency, and when you act like an asshole and an idiot then everybody outside of the state thinks we’re ALL assholes and idiots, right?

TR:  Dude… we lost!

C:  You’re a moron…
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Tune in next time for another conversation with one of Tucson’s many voices.  If you have a question for one of those voices, or would like to be one of those voices, please send it to tucson dot interviewed at gmail dot com.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Tucson Interviewed: A Can of Four Loko (found along the side of the road)

I’m a man.  A man who enjoys walking the streets at night, just like the protagonist of a classic rock ballad might.  I walk the streets in shadow looking for the light of:

  • Love
  • A liquor store sign
  • The hardware store (because all of the lightbulbs in my home are burned out)
  • The dark

So I walk and I walk, with my headphones on, listening to other tales of small-town heroes strolling down darkened sidewalks, and I wonder when Bruce or Bob or Tom or Woody will sing about my trials and tribulations.  Normally I keep to myself, even when the voices in the dark cry out to e.  “You should be in bed sleeping,” I think to myself as I dismiss them, “not crying out at night—don’t you know that other people are trying to sleep?”

But on this particular night, I heard a voice I could not ignore, and dear readers, it is a voice you will not ignore, either (unless you aren’t a reader and are already ignoring this entire premise).  Tucson Interviewed, this is A Can of Four Loko (found along the side of the road) interviewed...
------
Fourco
Catfish:  Do I call you “Four Loko”?  What should I call you?

Can of Four Loko:  Fourco


C:  Fourco.  Okay.

F:  With a “C” because loco is spelled wrong.

C:  I assumed that was done on purpose, but--

F:  I don’t like it.

C:  Okay, “Fourco” with a “C”.  F-O-U-R?

F:  F-O-U-R-C-O.  Fourco.

C:  It sounds like a business.  Four Co.  The Four Company.

F:  I like it.

C:  Tell me, Fourco, how long have you been in Tucson?

Monday, March 10, 2014

Tucson Interviewed: Esther Blue Almazán


The first formal theatrical stage production in Tucson, Arizona has a story.  Probably.  I actually don’t know what it is.  It’s not that I don’t care--it’s more a matter of skill and competency.  Do you think you can do better?  Go ahead, then.  Try googling “First theatrical stage production in Tucson” and see what kind of results you get.

Oh, really?  No, I wasn't aware of that.  Clearly I did not even bother to perform that search query.  Look, friend, I’m not the theatre beat reporter, okay?  I’m just a man named after a fish trying to do whatever it is that I’m doing.
I caught up with the subject of this interview as she worked the box office for Borderlands Theater’s production of Maria’s Circular Dance and Trash at the Zuzi Theater.  She is a writer, actor, director, co-founder of the Something Something Writers Group, and not 14-years-old.  Tucson Interviewed, this is Esther Blue Almazán interviewed...
------
Catfish:  We should start and let everyone know for the sake of full disclosure that you and I do know each other

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Tucson Interviewed: "A" Mountain

TucsonAMountainA
"A" Mountain
I wanted the first interview conducted for Tucson Interviewed to be a special one.  While I’m sure that one of the city’s lesser-known voices would have had just as amazing a story to tell, I thought it might be best to start with a familiar name: “A” Mountain.  I had high hopes that we would have an interesting dialogue that we could both walk away from pleased.  Unfortunately, that is not exactly how it played out…
-----
Catfish:  Thank you for taking the time to speak to me today.
“A” Mountain:  Yeah, the time.  Do your readers know that you’re not doing this in person?
C:  I, uh…
AM:  You, uhhh, what?  Do they or do they not know that you’re conducting this quote unquote interview over Skype, that you couldn’t be bothered to meet me and conduct this interview in person like a proper journalist?