Why are you a liar? Microwave for four minutes? Really? I don't remember asking for heating directions for still-cold soup, but that's what you gave me, so that must be what I asked for, right? And where is this salt that is allegedly one of your ingredients? Because I sure as hell don't taste it. Are you worried about my heart? Because I don't have one. Get your story straight, you deceitful mutherfucker.